Top 6 Causes of Arguments Over Wedding Planning
Top 6 Causes of Arguments Over Wedding Planning - Plus How To Solve Them
Nobody really wants to talk about this subject, it’s something that if you’re planning a wedding, you hope doesn’t come up.
This is why I’ve put together a list of the top 6, so you can hopefully go in better prepared for it all.
Planning a wedding is a tough ordeal, it doesn’t have to be, but for most, it most certainly can be a testing time. It’s a long time, for some it’s 6 months, other’s perhaps as much as 24 and whilst you won’t spend ALL that time planning your wedding, it’s going to feel like it.
The top 6 are:
Money
Stag/Hen Parties
In-Laws (interfering family members)
One-sided effort
Disagreement over style / suppliers / theme
Guest list
Money:
When it comes to budgettng for your wedding, it’s probably the hardest part and statistically, the vast majority of couples end up over running. It’s tough, it’s the unknown. How much does it all cost? What should you expect to pay for it all? what’ a good average? and what fits in with what you want?
My Advice: My best advice I can give you when budgeting for your Wedding day would be first to work out what you can realistically afford. Getting into a lot of debt for a wedding isn’t a great start and it’s where arguments really begin to happen. Sit down together, work out your weekly/monthly outgoings and see where you can begin to save. It’s a good practice if you’re unsure of this, to track all your spending over a week, see if there’s any places you can begin to make a saving. drop the morning coffee, walk to work, see if you can get any deals on your TV /Broadband / Phone / Energy Bills / Car Insurance. Anywhere there’s already a spend find out if you can do it cheaper.
That’s the advice you’re probably going to see over and over and to be honest, even as I type it, part of me doesn’t agree with it.
I’m going to flip it on it’s head. Whilst seeing where you can save on your monthly direct debit’s is a great idea, stopping your morning coffee or making cut back’s means you might find yourself resenting what you’re doing… That builds up over time and BOOM an argument.
What I would strongly advise is looking into ways you can make MORE money. Overtime opportunities at work? a side hustle? take what you’re good at and turn it into a little money maker. Sure, you’re going to be putting in more time, but you’re making less sacrifices and let’s be honest, it’s way more productive than binge watching the next best thing on Netflix.
Stag/Hen Parties
It’s not the idea around the party that can cause an argument. It’s not even what goes on (let’s be honest here, if you’re really worried that something bad is going to go on, you probably should be asking yourself if you’re marrying the right person). No, the biggest cause of an argument comes down to just “How big” - Lads, if you’re planning on going abroad for a week, do the right thing and make sure your lady does the same. This all ties in with the point above about Money. If your Stag is costing you £2000 and the Hen is a night out.followed with a night in a Travel lodge, be considerate. Talk about it. Make sure you’re both on a clear understanding on where the money’s coming from and more importantly, what it’s going to do for your budget.
My Advice: Go small on the Stag and Hen and save the money for the HoneyMoon… you’re both absolutely guaranteed to enjoy it!
In-Laws (interfering family members)
Oooo if I had a £1 for every time I heard this one.
Some families have them, some don’t. For those that do there can be nothing worse than an interfering Mother In-Law telling you how things should be done and dictating your day.
Here’s the thing, they’re really only just trying to help. The problem is, the chances are high that a lot has changed since they got married. Costs have gone up, even the format of a wedding has shifted over time. For a lot of that generation it was a church ceremony and on to the village hall for a little party.
My Advice: The key is to acknowledge this, understand that for the most part they are only trying to help but also, sometimes you just need to be a little firm. Remind them that it is your day, your doing all the planning so that all they have to do is turn up and enjoy themselves. Make them feel like part of the planning if you with, ask for their advice. Remind them, it is just advice you are looking for and that doesn’t mean you’re going to follow through with their suggestions.
But by all means, keep them away from the “Group Formal photographs” list. If you’re wanting to have a few and get them out the way so that you and your guests can enjoy the day, tell them. Keep that list sacred.
Because I can guarantee, once you start giving them reign (either in advance or on the day), you’re going to end up with more combinations than you can count.
Remember, when they got married 90% of the photographs were ‘formal’ - Things have changed since then, Wedding photography has evolved. A different approach to the day is taken these days and “Yes.. their will be a photo of x”
One-sided effort
There’s a very stereotypical view that the Bride is the one who does the organising and that the Groom just turns up. However, that’s also quite old fashioned and let’s be honest. This is the biggest day of both parties lives. Whilst one of you may have been dreaming of this day for a long time, it’s very important that you understand weddings can be a stressful thing to plan, especially if it feels like one side is putting all the effort in and the other is laid back seemingly enjoying the ride. Although this can come off as just disinterest.
My Advice: If one of you wants to take control, then express that from the get go. Likewise, if you truly want input from both sides, make that known. Working together to plan your day can be a very exciting time. As you begin to learn and understand what each other wants, likes and dislikes. Never just assume that the other person is going to take care of it all.
Disagreement over style / suppliers / theme
There’s is so much to choose from when planning your wedding. From the big things such as the venue and photographer, to the small things like the table decor so it’s no wonder there’s a lot going on here where opinions can differ.
My Advice: If things really become a struggle and you can’t agree on specific things, then divide those things up and allow one of you to make the call. i.e one gets colour scheme, the other gets table decor. Once that’s picked you can at least look at the whole situation and realise if it’s going to work or if it’s going to clash. Understand that there are definitely things you can compromise on. Whether you choose to wear a dress or a suit, if you’re the one who’s wearing it, you’re the one who should have the final say.
There are only 2 areas where I believe you really need to be on the same side.
1) The Venue - This is the key component of the day. If you can’t agree on this, simply look around more. There are absolutely hundreds of wedding venues and you’d be surprised by just how many are on your front door when you look around.
2) The Photographer - This is what you’re going to have to look back on, what you’re going to have to hand down. Personally speaking, it is vital that you are both onboard with your chosen photographer. If you’re not, all that’s going to happen is that every time you look at your photos you will feel resentment. There are plenty of photographers to choose from, offering all kinds of different styles and approaches. Window shop, sit down and talk to a few. When you start to talk to the good ones you’ll begin to understand exactly what it is you’re both looking for. If you’re not sure what you’re looking for, feel free to send me an email. I’d be more than happy to discuss what you’re looking for and if I don’t feel like we’re a good fit, I’ll point you in the right direction.
Guest list
Arguably (see what I did there), I’ve saved the best for last. The good ol’ guest list. Who do you invite? Who do you skip off? do yo invite children? If you do, do you have to invite all children? does everyone have a plus 1. What happens if someone’s in an unstable relationship? What happens if you don’t like someone?
and…. we haven’t even got to the table plan yet.
My Advice: I would try to keep things as simple as possible. Firstly this is definitely something you both want to sit down and draft together and when I say “both” I mean just the 2 of you. It’s very possible that you’re going to get suggestions from family members, or that you feel you need to invite whomever they suggest. You don’t. So start off by writing a guest list using the people that come to mind first. Then, start asking questions such as “When did you last see them?” When it comes to family, overtime things change, people move on with their own lives and it could be months if not years since you last saw each other. Just because they are family does not automatically give them a spot on the list. Remember this. When it comes to children, if you have children of your own this might be an easier decision to make. Perhaps you have close children in your family but would rather not have your other guests bring them along. Trust me, you might actually be doing them a favour and giving them the perfect excuse for a night off. Whichever you do decide, speak to them upfront and explain why. Whether it’s because of an additional cost or just because you would prefer it to be an adults only event, explain this and move on. I’ll be honest, you’re not always going to be able to please everyone all of the time and what it all boils down to is that this is YOUR day. You should never feel guilt tripped into inviting someone you would rather not be there.
There is one exception to this rule and that is if Mum or Dad are helping foot the bill, they may well want specific people there and if they’re footing the bill for it, it would be courtesy to allow them. That said, that doesn’t mean they can go overboard and rule the guest list. If that’s the case, you may well be better served, pushing your date out and saving up. yourself.
There we have it. the 6 Top causes of Arguments when it comes to Wedding planning.
If you liked what you read or believe someone you know may just like to read this, please feel free to send them the link.
Thanks for reading.